Five people living on the street watch the end of the world go by. A consideration of what it means to have hope, lose hope, screw hope, and dance for your enemy.

Male: 1-2 (1, preferably white)
Female: 3-4
Non-binary: 0-1

Scene 1

AT RISE: MINA sits facing out. KARLA is lying nearby, asleep, completely covered in a heavy blanket.

(KARLA stirs, feels around to discover that MINA is not beside her. She pokes her head out and looks at MINA. She burrows back under the blanket.)

KARLA: Come back to bed.

MINA: It’s not a bed.

KARLA: That’s because you’re not here with me.

(MINA does not move. She pulls out a piece of cardboard and a marker, thinks a moment, then writes on it. It reads: “WILL WORK FOR FOOD, SHELTER, LIFE.” KARLA stirs again, and looks up to see what MINA is doing.)

KARLA (CONT’D): Show me.

(MINA reluctantly flashes the sign toward KARLA who reads it, sighs in disgust, and goes back under the covers. MINA holds the sign, miserable. Pause.)

MINA: What would you suggest?

KARLA: I would suggest you come back to bed.

MINA: Rush hour is starting.

KARLA: Let them rush. You don’t want their money anyway.

MINA: I’m not asking for money. I’m asking for work.

KARLA: Such a good Protestant you are.

(Pause)

MINA: Why don’t I want their money?

(KARLA comes out from hiding.)

KARLA: They’re miserable, that’s why. You don’t want their miserable money.

MINA: Well, I am miserable.

KARLA: And they don’t want to give it to you. There’s resentment mojo on that money. It’s cursed is what it is.

MINA: If there were such a thing as a curse, I believe it’s already found us.

KARLA: No no. That is not true! We are not cursed! We are not cursed because we have not sold our souls to the devil. And that is because we have never failed to be true to ourselves. Never once have we ever done that. Not intentionally.

MINA: What?

KARLA: I said we have never sold our—

MINA: The “not intentionally” part.

KARLA: The sign. It is…derivative.

MINA: Derivative!

KARLA: And a bit sentimental. “Will work for life”? Why not add, “Vet with 3 children. God Bless”?

MINA: Because I don’t believe in God or the devil or curses! I want work so that I can live! So that I can have life!

KARLA: You are right, Love. I am sorry. I didn’t mean to criticize. But…

MINA: What?!

KARLA: The sign. It is made of cardboard. A bit cliché, don’t you think?

MINA: Fine, then. You do it. Go on. Show me how it’s done.

KARLA: No. You’re right. I’m sorry, Love. I sometimes forget. Please don’t be mad at me. You’re all I have in this world.

MINA: Ha.

KARLA: You are!

MINA: That’s what’s so pathetic.

KARLA: There is nothing pathetic about it.

MINA: We used to have all kinds of things. Now I really am all you have.

KARLA: For that I am grateful.

MINA: And you’re right. I should know better. I should be able to put words to a sign!

(Short pause.)

KARLA: I’m glad you cannot make a sign. It means you are still my poet and not some copywriter. It means you channel the truth, not manipulate it. That, my love, is what it means to work for life.

(MINA puts her hands gently on KARLA’s face.)

MINA: I am cold. And hungry. And scared. And I don’t want to be here.

KARLA: Then come here. Let me keep you warm.

MINA: Not now.

KARLA: Come. My body is awkward without you.

(MINA goes to her, somewhat reluctantly.)

MINA: Fine. But I’ll still be hungry and scared.

KARLA: Yes, Love.

(KARLA holds her. Pause.)

MINA: And I’ll still not want to be here.

KARLA: Shh. Let me hold you.

(Pause. MINA softens.)

MINA: It’s not helping.

KARLA: I know.

MINA: I have to go to work.

KARLA: Not yet.

MINA: No, really. The traffic is backing up.

KARLA: It is?

MINA: Yes. It’s slowing down. It’s easier to get their attention that way.

(KARLA groans and goes to crawl back under her blanket.)

MINA (CONT’D): What are you doing?

KARLA: I don’t want them seeing me this way.

MINA: And I do?

KARLA: You do not?

MINA: No, I do not!

KARLA: Oh. No. I guess you wouldn’t.

MINA: Right. I’m going to work now and I’m going to do it in the most cliché way possible, because it’s the only way I know how.

KARLA: Mina. Don’t.

MINA: What, Karla? Tell me!

KARLA: No, I don’t mean…Sorry…I mean, let’s just change our sign a bit first? Tell your—our—story. It is what you do best. It is why I love you.

MINA: Is that why you love me? I thought you just married me for my wealth.

KARLA: Wealth, yes. Money? No.

(Pause. MINA reluctantly thinks of a different wording for the sign.)

MINA: “Two dykes. No children. Need disposable income.”

KARLA: Haha! Yes! Like that!

(beat)

But would they get it?

MINA: OK. “Will share the difference between ‘its’ and ‘it’s’-apostrophe for food.”

KARLA: No, Love. No one cares about that.

MINA: Well, I do! How about: “Retired”?

KARLA: Dry humor requires thinking.

MINA: Oh. They need something more obvious. Something like, “I can’t hold a job, but my twat can whistle Dixie.”

KARLA: Um.

MINA: Or, “This is the afterlife. Fuck your god and give me cash.” Now that’s obvious! Or…or, “Wanted: Drive-by shooting”!

(short pause)

Fuck. I’ve become the raving mad homeless lady.

KARLA: No, Mina! Please. It’s only temporary.

MINA: I can’t do this, Karla. I can’t.

(beat)

I don’t want to be creative right now. It’s all I can do to hold a piece of cardboard.

(MINA turns to go back to the corner with her sign. Pause.)

KARLA: Mina?

MINA: Hm.

KARLA: Can your twat really whistle Dixie?

MINA: Yes, my love.

KARLA: Perhaps you should show me. It’s still warm under here.

MINA: After I’m done working.

KARLA: I may not be frisky then.

(beat)

I can dance for you under the blanket…?

(beat)

You know, we should have fun outdoors more often.

MINA: We’re not camping, Karla.

KARLA: Whoops! The strap fell off my shoulder.

MINA: So now you’re doing burlesque? There are thousands of people out here.

KARLA: And they didn’t even notice that the other strap came off.

MINA: The traffic is slowing down!

KARLA: There will always be traffic. Come to bed.

MINA: It’s not a bed.

KARLA: That is because you’re not here with me.

(beat)

I need you, Mina. Here, with me.

(MINA goes to her. KARLA wraps MINA in the blanket and kisses her.)

KARLA (CONT’D): See? So much better! Right now, I am imagining it is Saturday morning, and I don’t have to be at the theatre for several hours. And you go to get out of bed so you can start your day rush-rushing around doing all of your errands. Instead, I pull you back into bed and hold you because the heat has not yet come on in the house and I depend on you for warmth. Except…

MINA: Except…?

KARLA: Well, it is just so cold. We need a fire, too.

MINA: I should get the kindling then.

KARLA: No no. That’s taken care of. But we need to start the fire. Or so I’ve heard.

MINA: Is that what you’ve heard?

(They kiss and begin making love under the blanket. MINA undresses, the blanket slipping off a little as she does so. SHAM and CROWN enter, SHAM carrying a satchel. They notice the love-making.)

CROWN: Lovely day for it.

MINA: Fuck!

(MINA hurriedly covers herself and dresses under the blanket.)

CROWN: Come, Sham.

(calling to the blanket.)

We’re just going to sit over here for a moment. Minding our business.

(CROWN and SHAM sit nearby. SHAM takes a bone out of the satchel and begins whittling and carving it.)

CROWN (CONT’D): If you’re going to put on a show like that, you might want to at least have someone out here, collecting.

MINA: Fuck. Off!

(MINA goes back to begging with her sign. KARLA pokes her head out.)

CROWN: Oh. Two ladies. See that, Sham? Two ladies.

(CROWN pulls out some food and shares some of it with SHAM. SHAM eats. MINA notices but ignores them. KARLA stares. CROWN gets up after a bit, walks over to the sign and reads it. He waves SHAM over to look at it which SHAM does. SHAM goes back to eating.)

MINA: What? You, too?

CROWN: Hm? Oh, don’t mind us.

MINA: Well, why not? Nobody else likes my sign. Why should you be any different?

CROWN: Don’t get defensive now! I didn’t say I don’t like your sign. I like your sign. Nice piece of cardboard.

MINA: Now you’re just flattering me.

SHAM: Most people have a sign like that.

KARLA: See? That’s what I said!

MINA: Most people don’t live on the sidewalk.

KARLA: Don’t mind her. Writers choose their words carefully.

CROWN: So does Sham.

SHAM: The world dies and we walk around saying, ‘Gimme.’ All those people in their fancy cars, they have signs, too. They also read, “Will work for …”, but what they’re really saying is: Will do anything to survive, even jettison my dignity.

CROWN: He’s a philosopher.

MINA: A regular Louise Hay. I’m out here, begging, because I’ve been so successful at not selling my soul to the devil. If only someone had told me sooner, I could have struck it rich, and all I had to do was lose my dignity. Which I know is around here somewhere. Karla, have you seen my dignity?

KARLA: I’m sorry. She’s—

MINA: Stop apologizing for me! Come on. Help me look. Maybe it’s lost somewhere in this blanket.

(MINA goes to the blanket where KARLA is and begins to upend it.)

KARLA: No. Mina, Love. Stop, please! Leave the bed alone!

(MINA stops. Pause.)

CROWN: You’re new at this.

MINA: Genius.

CROWN: Ah, there’s no shame in it. Not a skill you learn in school. No textbook for it.

MINA: Not that any of us could afford it.

(beat)

“Homelessness for Dummies.” Make the pages out of pizza and you’ve got yourself a best seller.

KARLA: Houseless, Love. Remember?

MINA: (to CROWN)

We’re just waiting on the builders to finish the kitchen.

CROWN: (to KARLA)

Your lady friend is funny. And smart.

MINA: Her “lady friend” is apparently too smart to know how to be homeless.

CROWN: Now that’s the smartest thing I’ve heard you say yet.

MINA: I seem to recall telling you to fuck off.

KARLA: She doesn’t like meeting people.

MINA: Not people. These people!

KARLA: These people are eating!

(Short pause.)

MINA: What have you got, Candyman?

CROWN: Name’s Crown. We, Sham and me, specialize in helping the homeless thrive in their natural environment. We help people like you to make a true living.

KARLA: That’s…fantastic!

(Lights down.)

Scene 2

AT RISE: MINA sits facing out, looking miserable. She is holding the same sign, except that it has the words, “Vet with 3 kids. God Bless” added to the bottom written in another’s hand. CROWN sits contentedly, and SHAM whittles a small bone with a knife, an act that is more rumination than creativity. KARLA is nearby, eating a roll quietly. She leans out from her blanket and offers MINA some food which MINA doesn’t take.

KARLA: Eat. I can’t have any more. The gluten.

(beat)

You’ve done enough.

MINA: Later.

(Pause.)

KARLA: It’s not like that—

(MINA flashes KARLA the sign to shut her up.)

CROWN: Leave her alone, sweetheart. Work gives her purpose.

MINA: For which I’m giving you a percentage.

KARLA: We have food now.

MINA: Shhh. I’m busy selling my soul.

(Pause.)

KARLA: I would just like it if you were here with me. Come home and eat.

MINA: People don’t give to beggars who have food in their mouths.

CROWN: Let her be miserable and hungry. More for us.

MINA: Don’t touch my share, Candyman, or you’ll die with a roll lodged in your windpipe.

CROWN: Just a joke, sunshine. You should eat, like your lady friend suggests.

MINA: I can’t if they’re watching—

CROWN: I heard what you said. Come fill your belly, and then go back to acting miserable if you want.

MINA: I am not “acting” miserable!

KARLA: You might be less miserable if you ate…?

CROWN: Perhaps she likes being miserable.

(CROWN gets up and offers her his food. She doesn’t take it.)

CROWN (CONT’D): Try. Pretend you enjoy eating.

(MINA goes to the blanket and eats her share. She is hungry. Pause.)

MINA: Home?

KARLA: Hm?

MINA: Just now. You said, “Come home.”

KARLA: All right.

MINA: We have no home.

KARLA: Well, you are my home.

MINA: And you are mine?

KARLA: See how simple it is?

MINA: You are a goddamned romantic.

KARLA: According to you, there is no God. Therefore I cannot be damned by God.

MINA: Don’t take my word for it. Believe in God if you are so desperate for damnation.

(Pause. MINA ruminates.)

MINA (CONT’D): I did this for you, you know.

KARLA: I know.

MINA: I don’t know how you can eat knowing your food is the direct result of cliché.

KARLA: His cliché.

MINA: The very cliché you were terrified of! These words are as old as cardboard and I get to be the one flashing them!

CROWN: I can hear you! My bionic ear catches all!

MINA: If I speak louder, will it overload something?

(Pause.)

CROWN: I never said they were my words.

MINA: Great. Then the deal is off—

CROWN: Not so fast. Now be a good girl and listen for a—

MINA: Fuck you and your patronizing bullshit!

(Pause)

CROWN: Sure, every crusty old guy like me is holding that sign. But how many women, hm?

MINA: Women serve in the military, asshole.

CROWN: Oh, that’s right, they do. I forgot. But they don’t have three children.

MINA: Where are you from!?

CROWN: Well. It’s not the general perception of things, is it? It’s not my fault people don’t want to change the way they see things.

MINA: It is if you’re the one perpetuating the way they see things!

CROWN: Fine. You don’t like my sign. Don’t use it and don’t pay me. But mark my words, I am your window into the status quo.

(Pause. MINA is speechless.)

SHAM: The opposite of God is cliché.

MINA: Ouch. I thought I was harsh.

CROWN: Oh, I know how Sham feels about what I do. Yet see how he benefits from my lack of imagination!

KARLA: I appreciate your positive attributes, Mr. Crown.

MINA: Cliche is cliché! Why is it OK when it comes from him but not me?

KARLA: Because it goes against everything you are.

MINA: Then let him hold the goddamned sign!

CROWN: Alas, I cannot.

MINA: Why? Because you lack the imagination for it? I say do your own dirty work, Candyman!

(MINA takes the sign and tries to put it in CROWN’s hands, but he pulls away.)

CROWN: Don’t do this. You’ll regret it—

(MINA forces the sign into CROWN’s hands. As soon as she does this, the most horrible, persistent, disturbing noise comes from SHAM’s mouth.)

MINA: What’s wrong with your friend? Help him! Help him, damn it!

(CROWN drops the sign as if he has done this a thousand times, and SHAM instantly is at peace. SHAM goes back to whittling. Pause.)

KARLA: Mr. Sham. I like what you’re whittling there. A chicken bone is it?

SHAM: Crow.

CROWN: We ate a crow earlier.

MINA: Funny. I ate crow, too. Just now.

KARLA: Everything will be all right. You know that, Mr. Sham? It always is.

SHAM: This crow committed suicide.

KARLA: That is ridiculous. Animals do not—

SHAM: From high atop an old cedar, she plunged, tucking her wings as she neared the sidewalk to gain speed, her head cracking open like a ripe walnut.

(Long pause.)

KARLA: Mina. Come home. I need you, here, at home.

(Lights down.)

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